In this post, you will be able to view an essay example from a past student, with the corrections and feedback highlighted in red.
Most of the students studying for the IELTS Test have said they find the IELTS Writing Tasks difficult. I have corrected hundreds of task 1 and 2 essays on various topics, giving estimated band scores and detailed feedback. There are also suggestions on how to improve for a higher band score. Take a look at this student essay example and see how it compares to your own writing.
Writing Task 2 Question
“The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”
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In today’s world, it is really essential to keep ourselves healthy and body in shape. Human should take care of its body in this hectic world to live longer. The number of health issues are accelerated by the growing rate of overweight people. Some people are thinking to resolve it by providing physical education to people from school. In my opinion, every person should have knowledge of how are body is functioning to be fit.
Several problems get started, if you put on weight more than needed. Usually, main cause of this issue is full of fat foods like pizza, baked goods which looks delicious but can add extra calories in your diet. people are not familiar with healthy food. Firstly, too much saturated fat can cause cholesterol to build up in your blood vessels which, can raise risk of heart disease and stroke. So many health risks are linked to obesity like high blood pressure, Diabetes, some cancers, Gallbladder disease and so on.
As per people saying, having knowledge of nutritious food from school time is beneficial. For instant, foods are combination of various fats. you can decide the healthiest fat for your body based on your education. secondly, getting into exercise is another way to be muscular. One extra our should be given in schools to educate ourselves about body. This not only makes you physically my strong but also mentally healthier. From my point of view, having this information from childhood can assist us to build strong bones, reduce stress and anxiety, boost our self-esteem and much more so.
To conclude, schools can teach you basic body functioning in childhood. Apart from that, you can also join health fitness program or gym under the guidance of gym trainer. Many other sources are also available in this technical world. You can also learn online and perfect diet can be chosen. Books can be also purchased from store or online to know how food works for your body.